Afraid to Love: A Life Reborn
by Canis Lupus aka Minnie
Summary: *Revised* The first part of my Minerva/Remus series. Minerva learns the one weakness that Voldemort has that somewhere, although very distant, she possesses within her heart. Please r/r with your comments or sugestions! Joyeuse Fete du Saint-Valentin!


A/N: Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't posted any of my series for awhile but I promise to have some parts posted during my winter break. Well, this series is about a romance between Minerva McGonagall and Remus Lupin. (I know, I know-there's an age difference but this is fanfiction) Enjoy! (and flames will be used to burn up all the snow in my backyard so it gets warmer)

Disclaimer: Nope :checks over plot: I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to the extremely lucky Joanne K. Rowling.

Afraid to Love: A Life Reborn

Part One

Minerva sat in her bedroom at Hogwarts, staring out at the snow-covered grounds. Enormous balls of snow and ice fell from the chalky sky. The wind howled deeply and knocked tall trees against the old castle. The air looked as if two invisible giants were in the midst of an intense pillow fight. No children dared go outside today for fear of losing themselves in the hell of a blizzard. The scene she witnessed outside reminded Minerva of exactly the way she felt; full of emotions but yet strangely empty.

Her diary lay beside her on her white bedspread. She had had that diary since she was ten and it held all the misery and loneliness of her past on its pages. Pulling it onto her lap and opening to the first page, she recalled the first time she had ever written in her diary.

__

December 25, 1970

Dear Diary,

Today Lord Voldemort Apparated into our house and murdered my mum. Oh, it was horrible! He had the palest face and red slits for eyes - he didn't even look human! I quickly ran and hid under my bed. Then Voldemort cornered my mum and I witnessed her pain-stricken screams and horrifying twitches as he performed the Cruciatus Curse on her. It was the scream of someone under excruciating suffering and knew they were going to die. Oh diary, it was awful! When the screaming stopped, he said, "This is what happens when you fight a losing battle. You chose the wrong side to be on!" With that, he pulled out his wand and muttered some words and my mum fell backward with a rush of green light and the life was sucked out of her. I'll never forget the look on my mum's face as Voldemort killed her or the words he spoke as he did so. Never.

After Voldemort murdered my mum, he took Danny (A/N Minerva's brother) somewhere and when he came back, he wouldn't talk about it. In fact, I don't think he'll ever talk again and I don't blame him.

Diary, I'm scared! Scared of what is to happen to me, scared for Danny, and most of all scared of Voldemort. Why does he have to destroy everything and everyone I love?

A few tears softly rolled down her face and she quickly wiped them up and went back to staring out the foggy window at the horrific storm outside, her mind lost in the past.

Minerva dragged herself down the stairs and into the staff room a few hours later wearing a dreary expression. The usual meeting of the faculty was to begin shortly. Dumbledore gave her a concerned look as she collapsed into her seat.

"Minerva, are you all right?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," she replied shortly. He did not look convinced but did not say anything more. Soon, the rest of the staff members shuffled into the room, all looking very somber.

"Now, as you all know, Voldemort is on the rise again. He has last been spotted at the border of Scotland and England. We must keep up our defenses and make sure Hogwarts is fully protected." Dumbledore took a deep breath and continued. "Fred, have you checked all the charms on the castle?"

Professor Flitwick nodded. "Yes, Headmaster. Every charm seems to be holding up."

"Very good. Remus, how is the mission coming along?"

"No news yet, we're hoping no news is good news," Remus answered doubtfully. 

Dumbledore said nothing and continued. "Severus, I trust you've completed what I had asked you?" Dumbledore's eyes traveled over to the very disturbed-looking Professor Snape.

"Yes. I am on a new lead and should have information shortly," Severus answered, seeming very distracted.

"Then we shall move on since I am well aware that you all would rather be marking papers or outside in this glorious weather." Dumbledore smiled. Then he became serious again. "We must look for more powerful ways of protecting Hogwarts considering a few of my sources say that Voldemort is gaining more strength than he had before his last downfall. This hard fact causes us to become stronger ourselves and to find things within ourselves that Voldemort is not capable of. As you have heard me say before "We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." And now, with that in mind, I will adjourn this meeting." With that, he rose from his seat and strode quickly out of the room. 

Minerva, staring somberly straight ahead, was deep in thought about the fact that Voldemort was getting more and more powerful. She didn't even notice when Remus Lupin sat down next to her looking concerned.

"Minerva, are you all right? You look rather distracted," he spoke softly. After a minute, she looked up, confused.

"Severus, I'm sure the Slytherins can run practice without having to take Gryffindor's time as well," Minerva snapped and looking annoyed, left the room. 

Remus stared speechlessly after her, wondering what she was thinking about. In fact, he had been very worried about her lately. She seemed to be even more bitter than usual. His mind traveled back to when they were at Hogwarts. Minerva had always been the class know-it-all, very smart and bossy, who always did what she was told and criticized others that didn't. He suspected that her outlook on life, however; went much deeper than that. He decided to ask Dumbledore about her later.

Minerva climbed the stairs to her room feeling very confused, indeed. She couldn't remember the last few minutes for some reason. She dismissed it from her mind however, and walking into her room, began to grade papers sullenly. _That's an A_+ _for Miss Granger....what a bright young girl... _In truth, when she pondered it, Hermione was very much like herself. _I hope that she never lives through what I did... _After grading a few more papers that were hardly comprehensible, she put them away, realizing that it would be impossible to grade anymore. She needed some fresh air. Deciding to head to the library, Minerva wondered why she kept reminiscing in painful memories. _It does no good to dwell on what has been......so why is my past suddenly coming to haunt me?_

In fact, her mind has so caught up in that thought that she didn't notice as she walked straight into Hermione Granger at the entrance of the library. _Thud!_

"I-I'm sorry Professor," Hermione replied in a small voice.

"Oh..what?" Minerva looked confused for a moment. Then, as if realizing where she was, became her usual, bitter self. "Miss Granger, if you'll please watch where you're going," she replied in a cold tone. Without another word she strode into the Hogwarts library, leaving an astonished Hermione staring at her Minerva's retreating back.

_She has been acting rather strangely recently, _Hermione thought to herself. _This distracted and irritable demeanor is certainly a change from her usual emotionless self. _Being her favorite professor, it worried Hermione that he teacher was not acting like herself. Hermione decided to share her concern with Harry and Ron later. Turning to take one last look at her professor, now frantically scanning the shelves, Hermione quickly left the library.

Remus Lupin sat in his office, planning the First Years' lesson on Packneysurts. His head hurt horribly and he assumed it was caused by the fact that he had been bent over his desk for hours, staring at the hardly legible writing of the Third Years' essays on grindylows. Nevertheless, the essays were the least of his problems. Minerva and her strange behavior had been weighing on his mind all afternoon. Deciding to head down to the Great Hall for dinner, Remus pushed all his prior thoughts aside for the time being. 

a/n: Please r/r! I'll try to post the next part over my winter break. Sugestions are strongly welcome!!!!!!


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